I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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