I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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