If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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