My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
