So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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