thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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