he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
