So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
