I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
