Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
