I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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