Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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