Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
