i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
