My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
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the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
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I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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