Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
