update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
