i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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