You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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