Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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