Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
