so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
