Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
