Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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