you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
