I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
