so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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