Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
