chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
