I will die if light touches me.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
