When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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