it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You're like the curious george of whores
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
