She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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