Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pee on everything he values.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize