I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
