If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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