It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
