I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
