Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
