Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
