you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
