barbara walters just said penis...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
