I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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