the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
