just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
