I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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