Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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