that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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