Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
