just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
