so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
