if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
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I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
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It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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