Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Drake has all the answers
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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