I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
