im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
