Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
