I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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