I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
