is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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